Considering the loss
by forthechills
Summary: I actually don´t know if you´d call it romance, but it definitly has it´s aww moments, so... relationship open to interpretation. LS of course :D
1. Chapter 1

_so here´s my 2nd story, hope you like it, reviews are highly appreciated, but you already know that ;D I know the plot wouldn´t win a creativity award or something, but I just couldn´t resist ...hehe. while my previous fanfic was writtenwith the limited knowledge of having seen 2 episodes, I improved! I saw my 4th epi this friday! X/ (whyhasn´t CC been released on DVD yet? you can already get WaT and stuff, but I really would want the CC ones...) ok I´m heading off topic. **focus back on the story** X)_

_oh and I just realizedboth of mystories start the same- someone cuts his finger. This made me think. O.o must be because that´s what happens to me constantly... -.-_

_I also couln´t find a title for my story. I´m always so bad with the titles. just don´t think much about them, if they seem a little weird to you. it´s just my feelings.they´re not making much more sense to meeither ;)_

_thanks again to Disasterfreak, who betaed the hell out of my story to make it finally readable (english not my mother tongue...blah) and did a wonderful job at it ;)_

**:Considering the loss:**

He could remember hurting his left thumb at breakfast, but only because it was hard to forget. All through the day he had randomly felt the slight stinging of pain whenever the wound came into contact with something. But it was the only thing he remembered from that morning. Everything else had just faded to black the second blood was spilled. He didn't know if he had taken a shower that day, he couldn't tell if he'd had coffee, and just a moment ago he had spent almost 10 minutes searching for his car, because he couldn't remember where he had parked it.

Danger wasn't supposed to be part of the menu today. It had been so unexpected. Wrong place, wrong time. Like a thief at night, it had stealthily approached them and cowardly caught them from behind. He felt betrayed. He felt he had failed her miserably.

It didn't bother him his white shirt was ruined, he'd just throw it away—along with the whole damn day and never think about it again. But with a tinge of fright he realized he couldn't rid himself of these emotions and images so easily. Unlike the morning, all the other day's events were much too clear. He could recall every move made as they dropped down to the pavement. He could see every detail; like a movie playing in slow motion, it took hold of his thoughts, clutching his insides, squeezing his throat. He could still hear her voice, clear and cutting like the air that crystal night, as anguish and despair reached their highest level.

_(If he could only go)back in time._

They had been sent to a black district in town, to do what they always did: interrogate, examine, find things out. It wasn't a safe area, they knew. But... nah, no sweat for two cops!

They spoke to some gang members who seemed to know quite a few spicy details about the place where they spent 24/7. Not very talkative, but he and Lilly knew how to piece the puzzle that had been thrown at them, bit by bit, until they had a pretty sharp picture of the situation.

All of the sudden the atmosphere changed. A boy raced around the corner and started telling them something seemingly important in a hushed voice, and they all strode off, one by one.

"Hey, we're not finished yet."

Their protests went unnoticed.

"You better leave this place too, just a thought," one of the older ones hissed. And then everything happened really fast.

The sound of an approaching vehicle made them turn their heads.

"Shit!"

Just as they had finally decided to follow the furiously running crowd, gunshots were heard across the street. The car didn't stop, its occupants merely opened aimless fire in their direction.

No place to hide.

In the midst of their escape, Lilly suddenly cried out and fell to the ground.

He was at her side in an instant, pressing her flat to the ground to keep her as far from the bullets as possible. It wasn't long before silence came. He pushed himself off the pavement and took a look at her.

"Damn..."

He gazed from her pale face down her body to where a reddish stain had begun spread across her side. The bullet had caught her just over her left hip.

He looked around, trying to clear his mind and decide what to do next. Ripping off his jacket and shirt, he began to unbutton her blouse. The look on her face tore his heart apart. She was white as snow, her mouth twisted in attempt to breathe away the horrible pain. But her eyes were the worst. They literally shone with panic—he'd never seen her so frightened. As his hands moved automatically across her clothes, he spoke to her in a shaky voice.

"Lil... d'you hear me? Lil, look at me. It's going to be alright, ok? I'll take care of you, don't worry, Lil..."

"It... hurts," she managed to whisper between clenched teeth.

"I know. I'm so sorry, Lil."

He slowly lifted the thin fabric of her blouse from her small body, uncovering the spot where the bullet had hit her. The sight drove tears to his eyes. The wound sat like a wild, devastating animal on her soft fair skin, and there was so much blood...

He tore his eyes away and quickly folded his shirt into a small compress, placing it over the wound and covering her with her shirt again. He got his mobile out and called for an ambulance, all the while keeping a firm hold on the makeshift bandage.

Lily breathed and breathed and breathed as fast as she could. The pain was unbearable... involuntary gasps and moans escaped her lips, and she could swear she heard her own blood rushing in her ears. Scotty was doing something—she didn't know what. But she trusted him. He'd know what to do.

"I'm so cold..." she whispered.

"Hold on a second."

Grabbing the jacket at his side, he covered her with it, tucking it around her body carefully. He partly lifted her onto his lap, pulling her to him with his left arm while pressing the right to his already soaked shirt.

"I'm so sorry, Lilly," he whispered into her temple, bending over her protectively.

"Not your fault."

He saw her tremble, blue lips moving, but he could barely hear her voice.

"Just hold on Lilly. You're so strong, and the ambulance will be here in a second."

"Just don't leave me."

She sounded so weary...

Scotty winced at this vulnerability he'd never noticed about her before. He hated seeing her in pain. He hated the fact she could even think about him leaving her at a time like this.

"I wouldn't leave you if my life depended on it. Never," he solemnly swore. And he meant every word.

Her breath was running short. Scotty leaned in to press a kiss to her cold forehead, cradling her in his arms. When he drew back and saw her closed eyes, he panicked.

"No, don't you fall asleep on me now! Lilly, wake up!"

Lazily she opened her eyes, blinking up at him. "Huh?"

"You can't go to sleep now! I'm not leaving you, don't you leave me either, deal?" He made a furious attempt at keeping his voice steady and calm.

"Sorry, can't stay..." She sounded almost regretful. Her eyelids fluttered and her eyes shut again.

"Yes, you can!" He shook her a little, practically shouting, but with no success. It was then he heard the ambulance coming, a wave of relief washing over him almost at once. Lilly was going to be ok soon.

"Yes, you can," he repeated. "You can. I need you." His final words were almost a whisper; the last thing he wanted was to lose someone else in his life.

Next thing he knew, Lilly was being taken out of his arms and hooked to hundreds of cables and machines that scared the hell out of him, but he felt he was standing half a mile away. On asking if he could ride with her, all he was told was that they needed the space, that he could follow in his own car...

_(All that matters is) the present_

Scotty leaned into the side of his car, groaning out loud. "Oh, god..."

Laying his head down on his arm, he stood as still as he could, not caring if he froze to death, right here, right now. The night was perfect. And for the very first time he wondered what life would be like without her.


	2. Chapter 2

_you can all stop bititng your nails, heres the next chapter ;)I´m sorry it´s pretty short, and there´s not much happening in it, but oh well... _

_thanks for the kind reviews everyone and thanks to Disasterfreak who pointed out some, ahem, medical issues in my story and betaed again :)_

**:PartII:**

At first he had driven like a savage, foot firm on the gas pedal and blowing the horn more than once. Then reason had kicked in, and he realized his race was rather futile, seeing as she'd be in surgery for a while anyway. And now that he'd finally made it to the hospital, he wasn't even sure he wanted to go in, and be forced to face the reality he'd wished so hard were only a nightmare. Sighing, he lifted his head from his arm and pushed himself off his car he'd been leaning on. His right hand was numb, indicating how long he had been standing in the same position. He tucked it safely into his jacket pocket, not feeling the warmth it provided against the chill of the night.

Slowly he made his way over to the main entrance, adjusting his eyes to the dazzling lights radiating from the place. He really must have been quite some time standing there in the dark!

At the reception desk he was greeted with a warm smile.

"Hello, how can I help you?"

"I'm looking for Lilly Rush. She was brought in about one and a half hours ago."

"Are you a member of the family?"

"No, Ma'am. I was with her when the accident happened. We work together," he answered politely.

"Alright."

The lady grabbed the list at her side and studied it with concentration. She looked up at him.

"Miss Lillian Rush?"

"Yes, Ma'am." Scotty's heart skipped a beat at the sound of her name.

"I'm afraid you'll have to wait for a while. You can sit over there." She pointed to some chairs along the wall and smiled reassuringly. "They're just looking after her at the moment."

He nodded his thanks and strode over to where he'd been told to wait. Miserably, he plopped down on one of the plastic chairs and leaned against the wall. He couldn't think of anything but Lilly. He prayed she'd be alright. No matter how hard he tried to tell himself none of this was his fault, he couldn't help but feel terribly guilty over what had happened.

He was worried, alright, and horribly shaken by the events of the day. But now, with nothing left to do but wait and hope, he realized he also felt something else. More than mere concern toward a partner, or even a friend. A feeling that made him think "I'd shoot myself if that would help her survive", and it scared him. But before he had the chance to deepen into these feelings, he was interrupted by a medic standing over him.

He shook the hand offered, and after introducing himself, was quickly informed about Lilly's condition and treatment, but he couldn't keep track of most things said. All he heard was that Lilly was doing well, and that a full recovery was to be expected.

"May I see her?" he asked hopefully.

"I'm afraid not. She's still in Recovery and she'll be asleep for a while anyway. I advice you to go home and get some sleep yourself, and in the morning come back to see her."

Scotty stared at his feet. He was a little disappointed, but he could also see the doc's point. There really was nothing much left to do for him tonight.

"Alright."

He said his goodbyes and felt the familiar night chill against his skin as he made his way back to the car. The air really was crystal clear. And as he lifted his head, he could see the most beautiful sky.


	3. Chapter 3

_Sooooo... sorry for letting you all wait like this, and then coming up with 10 words again... but different reasons kept me from updating, but I´m not going to bore you all to deathwith my messed up private life ;)_

_thanks again to wonderful Disasterfreak for beating:)_

_so now... go on with partIII... it´s gettign really cheesy in here, so yay :D_

**:Part II:**

He lingered in front of the door that held a small silver tag with the numbers 167 on it, not sure what to do. Lilly's condition scared him; he hated the thought of seeing her suffer. Shaking his head, he stared at the ground, self-reproachful. He should be the strong one now. What was the point of cowardly avoiding reality? Taking a deep breath, he put his hand on the doorknob and pushed the door open. The nurse had informed him Lilly was conscious but groggy, and Scotty was somewhat clinging to the hope she wouldn't be awake now.

Closing the door behind him with the soft clicking of metal, he found himself in a pretty big and dimly lit room. Lilly was lying in a huge bed, surrounded by confusing machines and instruments, apparently asleep, much to Scotty's relief. She seemed so lost and fragile, he had to suppress the urge to run over and take her into his arms. Instead, he just stood there, helplessly waiting for something to happen, just like a few moments before. The only difference was that now he was on the other side of the door.

His head snapped up as he heard her calling out from her bed.

"Hello?" She sounded weary, but there was also some confusion in her voice. Her eyes were still shut, but it was obvious that she wasn't sleeping anymore.

He walked over to her bed, taking in the details of his surroundings as he moved closer.

"Lil, it's me. Scotty."

"Hi," she breathed, attempting to open her eyes. Scotty had found a chair to sit on and pulled it to her bed, so they could talk better. Speaking still seemed to cost her some effort. Lilly's head turned slightly toward him.

"How are you doing?" he asked quietly. There was no real reason for talking that low, but he felt he needed his voice to match hers, so he moderated his tone.

"Great, great..." she muttered, faintly shaking her head. She closed her eyes again and a heavy silence fell upon them.

She was even paler than usual, causing the sprinkles on her nose and the thin blue rims around her eyes to stand out. But even so, with no make-up to speak of and more than a little bit faded, she seemed incredibly beautiful to him.

Scotty tore his gaze away, afraid of being caught if she should open her eyes again.

"I took care of your kittens, Lil. They're well and full now, and they said to tell you hello. And to get well soon."

He watched as the corners of her mouth crept upwards and smiled to himself.

"Thank you."

"No problem, Lil. I also phoned Stillman, he sends his regards, and says he'll come by when you're feeling a little better."

"Stillman is coming?"

"Vera and Jeffries probably, too. They're all worried. _We'_re all worried."

"Oh."

What was that 'oh' supposed to mean? Scotty wondered. Didn't she know they all cared about her or was she just too exhausted to find appropriate answers?

He decided it was probably a bit of both.

"I'm so glad you're going to be ok soon. I was truly scared when you passed out right there on the street." His eyes moved involuntarily down to the spot where the wound had been. But with the blanket around her there was nothing to be seen.

"Yeah. I was scared, too." She was watching him again. "But it helped that you stayed with me. Thanks. I guess you kinda saved my life."

"Well, I didn't have much of a choice, did I?" He meant it as a joke, but when he looked at Lilly he didn't see her smiling.

"Because I'd never want to lose you, Lil. Not as a partner, but also not... as a friend."

Her eyes widened, and Scotty just went on, letting go of what he felt should have been said earlier.

"Because you're a great person, Lilly, and I really admire and respect you. And I care about you. Even if sometimes it doesn't seem like it. And I really am sorry for all the times I was a complete jerk."

Scotty smiled at her, inwardly kicking himself. God, how pathetic could he be?

Lilly, however, closed her eyes for a second, letting the heavy words sink slowly in. They were reassuring, like bread to a half-famished pauper, providing her with what she had craved to hear from her mum, sister, friends and lovers for years.

Scotty noticed something in her eyes he had never seen before. She looked at him and it was like seeing her for the very first time. His heart skipped a beat.

"Thanks," she answered honestly. And before giving it another thought, he placed his hand on top of hers and gently stroked his thumb over it.

"Now get some rest, will you?"

Lilly nodded and waited for him to leave, but he didn't even attempt to remove his hand.

"You wanna stay?" The surprise in her voice made him smile.

"If you don't mind. But I know these hospitals are boring, so I figured you'd like some company next time you woke up."

Lilly giggled faintly, letting her eyes close again.

"If you don't have anything else to do…" she mumbled, her mind already drifting off into slumber.

_Plenty of things to do_, he thought. _But nothing more important than this._


End file.
